I Dyed My Hair Blue

That’s right guys, I went from the same color hair I’ve had my entire life (never-been-dyed-sorta-blonde-but-also-brown) to a nice blue color. And this is how it went.

The idea pretty much happened like this:

I was sitting with a friend, discussing how we both were feeling a little boxed-in, a little antsy, but too broke to get the tattoos we wanted, and too busy with work to spend time on a decent adventure-drive. And then it struck me.

I’m 21 years old.

I have eight piercings.

I have one tattoo.

I’ve jumped off cliffs and changed majors.

But for 21 years I’ve been too afraid to dye my hair.

So I turned to Kara and said, “What if I dyed my hair?” to which she replied,

“YASSSSSS! Let’s do it tonight!”

The timing is perfect: after this year, I will be working in a professional (ish) setting. I will be having serious interviews, and I’ll have even less free time than I do now. Even better, it’s the summer, so if it looks terrible only the 8 people on campus will have to see it! So we went to Walmart, I bought blue hair dye (I originally wanted purple but changed my mind, and I’m so happy I did), and that night we bleached my hair in preparation.

After nervously checking my hair the next day, I was surprised to find no damage (yay for really healthy hair!) and we went in with the blue. (Hair bleaching photos below)

Those last 20 minutes of waiting to see what it looked like after it was set and washed was terrifying: I was half-convinced I had made a huge mistake.

(First layer of blue, second layer of blue)

However, a few days later and a little bit of touching up and I’m delighted to say that I have no regrets. I really hope it stays in for awhile though because I love it but I have no money to keep it up. For the first few days, every time I would pass a mirror I would stop, smile, and squeal,

“Oh my gosh, I have blue hair!”

I’m living the mermaid life, guys.

Anywayssss (there is a point to this more than a random little life blurb), I have noticed something interesting.

I work the front desk at a gift-shop that is also a welcome center to the coolest waterfall ever, so I  meets and talk to hundreds of people every week. During the summer we are especially busy, and I’ve meet some of the nicest and meanest people I’ve ever interacted with in my life (I would say it’s split 80% nice and 20% noticeably rude).

I’ll be honest: I was very self conscious the first day I walked in with blue hair. Going into it, I was pretty sure this would attract a lot of negative attention, which I didn’t think about until I pulled into the parking lot of my work the next morning. However, my assumption was incorrect.

Sure, I’ve had some interesting reactions, but overall, what I’ve noticed is this:

Genuinely nice people are nice/nicer.

Angry people are angry/angrier.

Across the board, I’ve had just about the same amount of angry people come into the store, who use my hair as a way to vent, and the same amount of nice people being especially nice and expressing support and encouragement for my hair.

And guess what?

I live in the south. I live in the “Bible belt.”

The people who liked my hair were really young (like 5). And really old (like 80). And American. And Korean. And German. And Mexican. (We get people from all over the world all the time, one of the perks of the job).

The people who gave me looks and made snarky comments were really young. And really old. And American. And Korean. And German. And Mexican.

So what I’m trying to say is that sometimes I think all hope is lost, and this country with its extreme diversity and passion is going to implode, this week I’ve been reminded that there will always be people looking for something to justify their anger/bitterness, but there are also a lot of decent human beings here too. They may not believe what I believe, or care about what I care about, but there’s still room to connect, have conversation, and promote conversation and understanding.

Blue (that is definitely gray in some areas) hair won’t change the world.

But conversations about taking risks, jumping on opportunities, and celebrating life at all stages?

That’s a start.

(Daily dose of optimism?)

Thank you so much for reading! If any of you guys have any hair-dyeing stories, or tips, or any thoughts on people reactions to piercings, tattoos or hair, I’d love to hear from you in the comments! Love you guys-

May your swords stay sharp,

May you seek truth always,

and may peace live in your hearts,

Julia

 

A toast to change, perseverance, and freedom

Guess who’s back?

Back again? (Help it’s been in my head for days)

As promised, I want to take a moment this week to type out (for me just as much as you readers) where my blog is headed!

It’s safe to say that, after two years, I’ve learned a lot about what it takes to write consistently, and how difficult it is to confidently post a blog. I found  myself time and time again thinking “this topic isn’t interesting enough”, “this isn’t relevant” and “this isn’t something readers will care about.” And so I ended up deleting blogs and waiting for moment of inspiration so I could write something that would be noticed.

And some of that is important… just not for this blog.

More than ever I’ve realized I need to stop trying to force myself into a “blogger mold”, stop trying to make myself into something I’m not. Unfortunately, I’ve spent practically my entire life doing the exact opposite: trying to meet everyone’s expectations, believing that was the only way to be heard. Desperately striving to impress. Needing to prove myself.

Luckily, that’s starting to change.

As I’ve leaned into the Lord, and learned to trust, I’ve found incredible freedom.

As I study His Word, and listen to his voice, my heart feels free because, bit by bit, year by year, I’ve just… stopped caring.

Faced with a choice, or a compromise, anxiety would cripple me. I felt like a failure, always a half-step behind, almost-great but instead mundanely mediocre. And that still happens, but lately? Less and less.

I don’t know if it’s because high school feels so far away, but I can look back and laugh at what once terrified me:

My hair looking terrible several days in a row?

Obsessing over thick thighs that were made to crush my enemies?

Eyebrows that are neither thin and manageable nor thick and striking?

I think college had drained my ability to care about these things.

-SIDE TANGENT-

As an encouragement to young women (especially high schoolers) like me who struggle(d) so hard against the “If I were just a little less…” or “If I had just a little more…” mentality, I can honestly promise you that if you push on, it gets so much better. I’ve had the opportunity of talking to many 30/40 somethings, and all of them told me the same thing: it doesn’t matter how fit they were in their teens/twenties, the older they’ve gotten, the happier they’ve been with what they see in the mirror. But it starts with a choice. Keep on fighting–it only gets better, and that better day starts with right now, and tomorrow, and every day after that.

-Back to my point-

Those might be small victories, but you better believe I’m going to celebrate them,  because it’s the small victories over the trivial things that lead to the powerful victories:

“Men are intimidated by you! And can you blame them? You’re too smart and opinionated for your own good- you won’t find a good man until you can bring that under control.”

Well I might not have caught myself a man, but my intellect and opinions have saved me from countless toxic relationships and are about to get me a Bachelor’s degree in both English and Counseling Psychology, so I think that worked out in my favor.

“You’re wasting your time getting an education at a Christian College. No one is going to respect that. Good luck getting a job in the real world.”

Yeah, I mean, going to school with people from all over the world, having connections on virtually every continent, and studying under people who have decades of hands-on experience might not be considered “real-world”, but… oh, wait.

All that to say: I want to continue to break molds and push boundaries. I want to keep on using this blog to show you guys (as best I can) that Christians still have opportunities to make a difference in a world that desperately needs Jesus, and these opportunities have nothing to do with passing out tracks and voting republican. It’s about finding your gifts and passions and running with them, and harvesting the beautiful investment that Christ has been preparing for us.

So, no, not every single one of my blog posts will be mind-blowing (even though I want them to be). But they will be real accounts of my life as I choose to live my best life without living it for me.

Thanks to everyone (there’s literally so many I can’t even begin) who has encouraged  me to keep on writing, and helped me grow and change with each new year, and thanks to you guys for reading and enjoying the ride with me!

May your swords stay sharp,

May you seek truth always,

and may peace live in your hearts,

Julia

 

 

Calculating My Feelings About “Divide”

Like so many other Ed Sheeran fans, I’ve been waiting (im)patiently for his new album. Shape of You, How Would You Feel, and Castle on the Hill were just small tastes of what was to come, and the long wait is now over (YAYYYYY!). After taking a much-needed break to reconnect and find a fresh purpose, Ed blessed the world with his new album Divide. They’re all tied together, but the songs still stand separately: some seem to be original takes on classic Irish ballads/drinking songs, while others cling more to Ed’ personal style.

I, of course, have taken the time to put aside my homework (Read: Procrastinated) and rank the songs from least to most favorite. Let it be known that I love all of the songs, but as most would agree some hit you in the feels more than others. This is totally a personal list, and I can’t wait to hear how different songs hit different people.

16. Happier

Definitely a hauntingly melancholy song. I think the reason why this is my least favorite is because it doesn’t connect with my personal experiences , but I can still appreciate it. As usual, Ed’s harmonies are amazing and beautiful.

Mental Music Video: Lots of walking/playing piano in the rain, and subtle side glances.

Favorite line: Promise I will not take it personal, baby, if you’re moving on with someone new.

15. Dive

Does anyone else think this song is Elvis-esque? This song is totally relatable- words are so powerful, especially when they end up being empty. Great guitar solo reminiscent of classic rock (almost used that as my favorite line but I felt that would be cheating).

Favorite Line: Don’t tell me you need me if you don’t believe it; so let me know the truth before I dive right into you.

14. Save Myself

Great message for literally anyone at all- there’s no good in trying to help and nurture someone else if you need it more. There’s nothing wrong with “choosing you” (I wrote a blog on this once) and making sure you’re okay before pouring into someone else.

Favorite Line: And all the ones that love me they just left me on the shelf-No farewell. So before I save someone else, I’ve got to save myself.

13. Hearts Don’t Break Round Here

I promise, I’m a huge fan of Ed’s romantic slow songs, I’m not just throwing them all at the bottom for no reason! This song is full of amazing metaphors and really cute lines.

Favorite Line: Oh we’re in love, aren’t we?/ Love the way you conquer your fear.

12. New Man

Originally this song was higher on the list because I loved the music so much, but couldn’t personally relate to the subject (though I think it’s really funny and enjoy singing along to it), unlike many of the other songs. I love this song because plenty of girls have written songs about exes who “upgrade” but still keep on coming back, and Ed flips it around to show that it happens on both sides.

Favorite line: Your new man rents a house in the ‘burb and wears a man bag on his shoulder, but I call it a purse. 

11. Galway Girl

This one was also higher on the list before purely because the sound is amazing. When that first verse dropped I felt like I was listening to the first Ed Sheeran song I fell in love with, but with obvious Irish influences.

Favorite Line: I never heard Carrickfergus ever sung so sweet, Acapella in the bar using her feet for a beat.

10. Perfect 

This is like the earlier-on version of the next song. It describes the moment in the relationship when you realize you the other. It’s very passionate, and the instrumental.

Mental Music Video: Lots of couples waltzing in sync on a ballroom floor.

Favorite Line: I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets: to carry love, to carry children of our own.

9. How Would You Feel

This one gets better each time I listen to it. There’s something so sweet and tender about it- it’s without a doubt a “first dance at the wedding” song. This is more than just a cute, romantic song, Ed is talking about deep love in a very real way, and it’s beautiful. (Another guitar solo too, which is great).

Favorite Line: How would you feel if I told you I loved you? It’s just something that I want to do. I’m taking my time, spending my life, falling deeper in love with you.

 

8. What Do I Know?

Apart from the sass in the title, this song is actually incredible straight forward and genuine. My favorite songs are the ones in which I can really hear the artist’s voice- not the sound it makes, but the personality and beliefs behind it. This song has a bounce, sass, and a positive outlook in spite of what anyone else is doing or saying. I’m also a sucker for Ed’s super high harmonies.

Favorite Line: We could change this whole world with a piano. Add a bass, some guitar, grab a beat./ Love could change the world in a moment, but what do I know?

7. Barcelona

Just went I thought the album couldn’t get better, he suddenly he changes direction and it’s everything I’ve ever wanted. First, going to Barcelona has always been on the list, but also the instruments used in this song… saxophone, steel drums, flutes, trumpets (at least that’s what I’m hearing, but what do I know?). I had to put this one close to the top, every time it starts to play I dance.

Favorite Line: I’ve got two left feet and a bottle of red wine making me feel like the beat and the bassline are in my blood

6. Eraser

The pick-work is amazing- this is Ed’s original style that got me hooked, no doubt about it, and it hasn’t gotten old yet. Once again, my favorite songs are the ones that really tell the artist’s story, and that’s exactly what this is. It’s brutally honest and actually really sad, but speaks to a lot of people.

Favorite Line: I used to think that nothing could be better than touring the world with my songs. I chased the picture-perfect life, I think they painted it wrong. 

5. Shape of You

This one has been released for awhile, and I had to be honest and put it in my top five because yes it is that good. Call me basic if you want, but there’s a reason why this is a such a hit. It’s fun to listen to when working out, dancing, driving, buying groceries, and anywhere else where it’s appropriate to listen to music.

Favorite Line: You and me are thrifty, so go all you can eat, fill up your bag and I fill up a plate

4. Bibia Be Yeye

Wow I love this song so much. I can listen to it on repeat. It’s a perfect roadtrip song, and it tells a story everyone can relate to. He uses Twi, a language that is spoken in Ghana, to say basically “Even if things aren’t going well, they will be well, and things will get better.”

Favorite Line: Someone told me, “Always say what’s on your mind” and I am only being honest with you, I get lonely and make mistakes from time to time

3.Nancy Mulligan

Traditional Irish song (with some twists), totally gorgeous, and completely based on Ed Sheeran’s grandparents (Wow, ded, so precious). Amazing.

Favorite Line: From her snow white streak in her jet black hair, over sixty years I’ve been loving her. Now we’re sat by the fire in our old armchairs, you know Nancy, I adore ya.

2. Castle On The Hill

One of the other pre-release songs, only this one has a little more depth and talks about (as far as I understand) Ed’s childhood. While obviously carrying details that make the song his own, the strange transition and loss that young adults experience when growing up and moving on is something that 20-somethings really really get, and it spoke to my heart. Sure, my castle was made of sand and was washed away by Florida waves, but let’s just saying the “driving at 90” thing is a little too real for me.

Mental Music Video: The music video actually captures everything in my head, go watch it!

Favorite Line: Found my heart and broke it here, made friends and lost them through the years and I’ve not seen the rolling fields in so long, I know I’ve grown, But I can’t wait to go home. / And I’m on  my way, I still remember these old country lanes when we did not know the answers. 

1. Supermarket Flowers

This song holds so much for me (seriously, Ed really screwed me up with this one) and I really can’t say much more than just listen to it. It’s beautiful, and I cry at least once every time.

Mental Music Video: My own memories of my Nana’s passing, her apartment, and funeral.

Favorite Line: Oh, I’m in pieces, it’s tearing me up, but I know a heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved.

If you haven’t had the chance to listen to it yet, do it! Ed’s not just a fad, he’s an amazing artist. The music is more than worth your time, I guarantee it.

Happy Saturday! (And yes, I’ve been keeping up on my 500 words a day goal, and I’ll be posting about it soon!)

In A Thousand Words Or Less (Pt. 4)

Today I’ve been feeling very nostalgic, so I’m offering up a piece of a childhood memory:

It was summer, or at least it felt like summer. The Florida heat was blocked just enough by the enormous trees that had taken root at various spots in my back yard. All the neighborhood kids were taking shelter in the small shady spots, relishing in the slightly-cooler air. The humid air kept our shirts stuck to our bodies, and my hair was at max capacity. Frizzy curls flicked from side to side as I tried to fan myself with my thick ponytail.

We had just finished exploring another area of woods in the neighborhood and deemed it unfit, like the rest, for our clubhouse. Of course, we had no idea how to build a clubhouse, but that was irrelevant. A neighborhood gang of kids needed the neighborhood gang tree-fort, no question about it.

“Did we check the Robertson’s property?”

“Yeah, last week.”

“Bob Saget!”

And down the list we would go. As it got closer to dusk, I found energy creeping back into my limbs, and I popped up, brushing the dirt off my legs which were cut up due to the unforgiving Florida underbrush. I paused with my hands on my hips, staring at the woods next to my house. It was the smallest stretch of woods in the neighborhood, but my sister and I had done plenty of exploring and found lots of interesting places.

“Hey, why don’t we try here?” The boys, both with pink noses and blonde hair, protested,

“Nah, we’ll have to look at the next street over.” Morgan jumped up,

“I think it’s worth a try! We don’t have any daylight left anyway.” Savannah gave her support, and the three of us badgered the boys into submission. The only trail was faint–the best a 6 and 9 year old could do– but we had no problem tromping through the brambles in our sneakers. Basketball shorts got snagged on branches and vines as I led them towards the center of the woods. A tree with long branches stood close to the middle, and if you could climb high enough you could sit and watch the sun set over the house tops.

After a bit of pulling, pushing, and scraping knees and hands on the bark, the gang sat perched on the branches, watching the sunlight shine straight through the leaves, illuminating every detail of each vein. A slight breeze picked up, and though the air was still warm, it made the sticky-sweaty part of my neck get goosebumps. It was quiet except for the occasional smack of a hand on a leg or arm as we fought in the never-ending battle against mosquitoes. Staying out as late as we could get away with, the curly-haired boy stated decisively, “Nope. We’ll go by the Allen’s place tomorrow.” With just enough light left to see, I aimed a potent little fist and drove it into his shoulder.

“Ouch! What the heck?”

The group clamored down the tree and raced down the street, taunting and stealing one another’s bikes until the sun was completely gone and our mother’s voices bounced off the black pavement, still warm from the sun’s rays.

We never did build that fort.

 

In A Thousand Words Or Less (Pt. 3)

So I’ve managed to start writing this blog before midnight tonight (yay, improvement!).

Lately the Lord has been impressing upon me the importance of embracing the gifts I’ve been given, and tonight at church I was reminded yet again.

First of all,  it’s easy for me to get caught in a vicious cycle of self-improvement. I spend so much time working on my weaknesses that I exhaust myself because I’m not doing what I love and succeeding. Instead, my energy gets sucked into a void that only feeds the idea that I’m not enough.

This semester, I want to make a change. I want to focus on my gifts and grow them. I want to invest in things that I’m passionate about, instead of trying to become more passionate about things that aren’t necessarily important to me.

Second of all, I need to learn what having a true servant’s heart means. Loving, giving, and serving are a huge part of the Christian faith, and using my gifts to serve others is one of the most satisfying things ever.

But, this Scripture sticks with me, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:10)

In other words, I’ve started to question why I am serving, and who. Yes, I am serving others, but it’s under the headship and direction of Christ. When I get caught up in the principle of self-sacrifice I lose sight of the beauty and purpose of the act of serving others. I’m serving others as a reflection of Christ.

If I start looking at sacrifice as something I’m doing for the good of others, my reward will be their response, or the impact of the service, rather than the act of serving itself as a means of following in Jesus’ footsteps.

I know this is a really slight difference, but it’s the difference between using your gifts and growing and using your gifts and becoming exhausted by them. Humans fail us: their responses and happiness will never be enough to fuel us.

Thirdly (Is that an actual word?) I’ve struggled with a deep fear and shame of my gifts. This also goes along with Galatians 1:10. I automatically assume that, if I’m using my gifts the way the Lord is asking me to, people will enjoy and encourage my gifting (or at least other Christians will). Time after time I have experienced quite the opposite. Not only is learning how to use your gifts confusing, messy, and filled with a lot of mistakes along the way, but it will (eventually) step on peoples’ toes.

Gift of mercy? People will criticize you for being an “enabler.”

Gift of exhortation? People will say you’re too harsh, critical, or (HEAVEN FORBID) judgemental.

Gift of faith? People will say you’re irresponsible and blind.

Gift of underwater basket-weaving? People will say your baskets are ugly.

Okay, obviously the last one is a joke, and of course there are times when we can be the worst of those things, but honestly, our gifts (even gifts of service) are not for the people we are serving. These gifts are not of this world, and as we grow in them they will draw us closer to our Creator and simultaneously cause us to stand out like a sore-thumb.

Do what you love and love what you do, even if no one understands the significance and importance of your actions.

Have a great Monday!

In A Thousand Words Or Less (Pt. 2)

I procrastinated (again), but here I am! My inspiration for today’s little blog came from the amazing weather we had today in Northern Georgia.

Cloudy and rainy, with just enough wind to make it interesting. Needless to say, I spent the majority of the day indoors, curled up on my bed alternating between looking out the window (partially to enjoy the birdsong, but also to cackle at the people running from one dorm to another desperately trying not to get wet) and reading. 10/10 would recommend. Listening to the combination of the birds and the rain was practically heaven for me. But, any time this sort of weather pops up, I get a craving for a certain kind of music, and I blame it all on living in Georgia.

Now, before I specify, I want to take a minute and explain why this is a somewhat guilty pleasure. I grew up in the north (Florida is totally a northern state culturally), was raised by northerners, and had little to no exposure or attraction to any kind of southern music, especially “country.” Living in Georgia has obviously caused me quite a bit of trouble, as not only are the majority of my friends country fans, but it’s nearly impossible to go anywhere without hearing it! My friends, of course, being the vindictive little devils they are, force-feed me country as much as possible,

Insert my favorite Into the Woods moment- AGONYYYY!

However.

Over the course of a few years, there has appeared a small, justifiable crack. I have a tiny soft spot for bluegrass. Okay, maybe not so tiny. Where country music is repetitive and whiny, bluegrass is refreshing, fun, and complex. Maybe it’s because I’m obsessed with stringed instruments, maybe it’s the visual of little old men playing their instruments together in harmony the same way they’ve been doing it for decades, or maybe it’s because it’s a crazy blend of a bunch of different music genres. I’ll be honest, I don’t fully understand (or care to admit) the way this music has crept into my heart, all I know is when I was listening to the rain patter on my roof and window, and watching the birds dart from tree to tree, bluegrass began to play in my head.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m already incredibly picky (haha, get it, like “picking” the banjo? Give me a break it’s like 2am) when it comes any music genre, and bluegrass is no exception.

My artist of choice?

The Punch Brothers.

The arrangements are gorgeous and winding–the instrumentals alone are enough to make a girl swoon. But the words? Wow.

A lot of their songs focus on different areas of our lives that have been damaged or distorted because of our dependence on technology and social media. They’ve found the perfect balance between humor and truth, and somehow that doesn’t get lost in the beautiful maze of musical mastery that each song brings to the table.

Some of my favorites include:

I Blew It Off

Movement and Location

Rye Whiskey

Another New World (actually a cover of a song, but still amazing)

Don’t Get Married Without Me

I can’t really think of any one song that I don’t enjoy, to be fair, but these are the ones that stick out to me off the top of my head.

So, for anyone who hates country, don’t be afraid to give bluegrass a try! It’ll be worth the risk, I can guarantee it!

“Next to the Word of God, the noble art of music is the greatest treasure in the world.” Martin Luther

“The true beauty of music is that it connects people. It carries a message, and we, the musicians, are the messengers.” Roy Ayers

 

 

How to Break Up With a Girl

How to Break Up With a Girl

Not because you should, but because if you’re going to do it you should do it right.

 

So, obviously the dating-world is a process, and unless you’re really really lucky, your first relationship(s) is (are) going to be filled with strange, “I don’t know what I’m doing” moments.

Most people don’t consider breaking-up as a skill. In fact, the last thing we’re thinking about when starting a relationship is “Wow, I can’t wait to break up with her in a healthy way if this doesn’t work out!” If we’re completely honest, most of the time, the only thing we’re thinking about when that feeling hits our stomach and we realize the relationship is over (or about to be) is “Oh crap. Run, run, run.”

So, as someone who has been on both sides, as the heart breaker and the broken-heart (and sometimes both at the same time), here is some real advice from a poll of girls, because sometimes being a good boyfriend means knowing how to be a good ex-boyfriend.

 

  1. DON’T assume you know what is best for her.

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

“I’m not a good enough boyfriend.”

“You’d be happier without me.”

“You deserve so much better.”

Telling her this isn’t going to make her feel better. It’s almost as if you’re saying she’s the one breaking up with you, because you’re putting the words in her mouth. Stop pretending you can read her mind (when we know you can’t because that’s what half of the arguments are about).

2. DO be honest.

Be honest, tell the truth, don’t lie. I’ll continue to repeat myself to make sure everyone knows exactly what I’m saying. Don’t try and spare her feelings, because if you lie and she finds out something fishy is going on, she’s going to feel much worse, and you will look worse.(Lose-Lose)

3. DO break up with her before you break up with her.

In other words, when that “I don’t think this is going to work” thought goes through your head, please don’t pretend like the thought didn’t pop up, address it! Think through it and, if appropriate, don’t be afraid to talk to your girlfriend about it. Otherwise, when the break up does happen, it might have happened in your head weeks ago, while yah boo had no idea you were doubting the relationship. Give her time to prepare.

4. DO take responsibility.

“God doesn’t want us to be together.”

“It’s just not meant to be.”

“It’s just not the right time.”

“We’re too different.”

While some of these are valid in their own way and in your own mind, when breaking up with someone, you need to make it clear that you are breaking up with them. Not God. Not the universe. Not your job. Not your friends, relatives, or that old, wise, homeless man who said something really cryptic and made you rethink your life. Otherwise it just looks like you’re trying escape, which will make her feel like she’s “trapped” you. Ouch.

5. DO give me a reason. This doesn’t mean she wants you to justify your thoughts or feelings. This doesn’t mean she wants to argue over whose fault it is, or fight just to fight. She’s not going to try and force you to stay, but give her something to go on. It’s true, sometimes things just don’t work out, but the value of relationships is more than just the relationship, it’s in the learning. She wants to walk away with something more than what she had before, not something less.

6. DO talk to me in person. If you can avoid it in any way, don’t break up over text. It’s disrespectful; even if you don’t value her as you did before, you valued her at some point, and she’s still a person. She may not be your treasure, but that doesn’t change the fact that she is a treasure. Treat her like it, and it will reflect well on your character.

 

I know some of these blend together, but they are all things I heard over and over again, both from friends and in my own relationships. The purpose of this isn’t to bash guys, because some of these things came out of my own mouth: girls can be just as bad and even worse at break ups, and I’ll probably write a follow-up coming from a guy’s perspective. The point is that we should do the best we can in every part of the relationship… even if it’s the end.

To finish off, because I had such a huge amount of feedback from friends, I want to share the funny, cringe-worthy moments that didn’t make it into my list, because bad break-ups eventually do turn into things we can laugh about. Sorta.

1.”I’m breaking up with you because… I’m gay.”

2. Has younger sister call, “Hi! [Blank] wants you to know that he just wants to be friends now.”

3. “Your friend is really hot, can you introduce me?

4. “My Mom doesn’t think I should date anyone right now.”

5. “Long distance is too hard, and my love language is physical touch!”

6. **Literally just runs away. Runs.**

7. “Your Dad scares me.”

8.”I think you’d be a better fit for my brother.”

9. “You don’t like Christmas enough.”

10. “I like a challenge, and you’re not one.”

11. “God told me we couldn’t be together, but we can totally still make out and stuff.”

12. “I like talking to you better over myspace than in real life.”

13. “You’re not athletic.”

Aaaaaand that’s a wrap!

Thanks for reading! 🙂