Guess who’s back?
Back again? (Help it’s been in my head for days)
As promised, I want to take a moment this week to type out (for me just as much as you readers) where my blog is headed!
It’s safe to say that, after two years, I’ve learned a lot about what it takes to write consistently, and how difficult it is to confidently post a blog. I found myself time and time again thinking “this topic isn’t interesting enough”, “this isn’t relevant” and “this isn’t something readers will care about.” And so I ended up deleting blogs and waiting for moment of inspiration so I could write something that would be noticed.
And some of that is important… just not for this blog.
More than ever I’ve realized I need to stop trying to force myself into a “blogger mold”, stop trying to make myself into something I’m not. Unfortunately, I’ve spent practically my entire life doing the exact opposite: trying to meet everyone’s expectations, believing that was the only way to be heard. Desperately striving to impress. Needing to prove myself.
Luckily, that’s starting to change.
As I’ve leaned into the Lord, and learned to trust, I’ve found incredible freedom.
As I study His Word, and listen to his voice, my heart feels free because, bit by bit, year by year, I’ve just… stopped caring.
Faced with a choice, or a compromise, anxiety would cripple me. I felt like a failure, always a half-step behind, almost-great but instead mundanely mediocre. And that still happens, but lately? Less and less.
I don’t know if it’s because high school feels so far away, but I can look back and laugh at what once terrified me:
My hair looking terrible several days in a row?
Obsessing over thick thighs that were made to crush my enemies?
Eyebrows that are neither thin and manageable nor thick and striking?
I think college had drained my ability to care about these things.
As an encouragement to young women (especially high schoolers) like me who struggle(d) so hard against the “If I were just a little less…” or “If I had just a little more…” mentality, I can honestly promise you that if you push on, it gets so much better. I’ve had the opportunity of talking to many 30/40 somethings, and all of them told me the same thing: it doesn’t matter how fit they were in their teens/twenties, the older they’ve gotten, the happier they’ve been with what they see in the mirror. But it starts with a choice. Keep on fighting–it only gets better, and that better day starts with right now, and tomorrow, and every day after that.
-Back to my point-
Those might be small victories, but you better believe I’m going to celebrate them, because it’s the small victories over the trivial things that lead to the powerful victories:
“Men are intimidated by you! And can you blame them? You’re too smart and opinionated for your own good- you won’t find a good man until you can bring that under control.”
Well I might not have caught myself a man, but my intellect and opinions have saved me from countless toxic relationships and are about to get me a Bachelor’s degree in both English and Counseling Psychology, so I think that worked out in my favor.
“You’re wasting your time getting an education at a Christian College. No one is going to respect that. Good luck getting a job in the real world.”
Yeah, I mean, going to school with people from all over the world, having connections on virtually every continent, and studying under people who have decades of hands-on experience might not be considered “real-world”, but… oh, wait.
All that to say: I want to continue to break molds and push boundaries. I want to keep on using this blog to show you guys (as best I can) that Christians still have opportunities to make a difference in a world that desperately needs Jesus, and these opportunities have nothing to do with passing out tracks and voting republican. It’s about finding your gifts and passions and running with them, and harvesting the beautiful investment that Christ has been preparing for us.
So, no, not every single one of my blog posts will be mind-blowing (even though I want them to be). But they will be real accounts of my life as I choose to live my best life without living it for me.
Thanks to everyone (there’s literally so many I can’t even begin) who has encouraged me to keep on writing, and helped me grow and change with each new year, and thanks to you guys for reading and enjoying the ride with me!
May your swords stay sharp,
May you seek truth always,
and may peace live in your hearts,